My Book

Hi everyone.

Yang Xuan has always been telling me: "I hardly see you blog at all."
True.
Me: "Cos I don't see a need at all."
That's what I always tell him.

Is that true?

Frankly speaking,
I don't know what to write.
I don't know how to write.
I don't know how to convey my feelings.
I don't know how to express myself.
I don't know how to tell my secrets.
I don't know how to tell people my problems.
I don't know how to tell people how I feel.

But,
I know how to keep them to myself.
I've lost my touch to writing.

To quote from Gyx,
I just can't the right words to express myself. Either that, or simply because some things are just too personal to declare let alone whisper.

I was just thinking about how shock people would go if they were to listen to my past, how disgusted they would be if they were to listen to my sins. I used to rattle and whine about how unhappy I was at how things had been. I could recall revealing a few secrets on my old blog, my friend then responded that she was shocked to find out what I had been going through. I don't want to gain attention this way. I don't want to flood my blog with all the unpleasant and sad events I'm going through. Moreover, my sufferings are probably a tip of an iceberg as compared to those who are combating diseases and fighting for their lifes. Having problems doesn't entitle me to any rights to whine. Don't you think so?

May be, there are people who are willing to listen, but it's hard to find an appropriate audience who is willing to read my story, to flip the book page by page slowly and gently, and know more about me, understand me, correct me, give me encouragements, support me, appreciate me, love me.

It's just too hard.
Cos I've too many secrets
to tell, too many problems
to seek help. Simultaneously,
I don't wish to disappoint
anyone, and reveal my flaws.
I'd only feel vulnerable.
Skin-less.
May be, I just can't let go.